Light Unto My Path: May 2018

Chosen. Loved. Wanted. Cherished.

Recently, God has really been chasing after me. For so long I've lived like an orphan. Not in the

sense that I don't have a family, but in the sense as in realizing that God has chosen me.

That He dearly loves me. That I am wanted. That I am cherished.

I have been going back and forth over whether or not I should write this post...a part of me doesn't want to open up and share those deep, painful places. ( For the sake of privacy, I will not get into too much detail.) Yet, another part of me knows that I am probably not in this alone, and if just one person can come away from reading this closer to God and realizing His deep love for them, that will be enough.

*Disclaimer: I do have a wonderful, loving family..these are just things I have personally experienced/ the enemy's lies about me personally.*

Not too long ago I was talking to some friends about the stories we were/are writing. One of them said that usually we put a lot of ourselves into our stories, and as I thought about it I realized that in most of my stories the main character was:

1.orphaned

2.underwent serious loss

3. rejected

4. a tomboy

5. a Christian

6. unwanted

This actually disturbed me a little bit when I thought about it. "Surely this doesn't reflect me!" I thought to myself. However, over the next couple weeks God revealed to me that in a way, this was true. My writings were a subconscious letting out of how I felt, because I wouldn't allow myself to feel. When I say that, I don't mean that I never feel or felt anything, what I mean is that in deeper, life-long areas of hurt, they'd been there for so long, and I thought I'd gotten "over it" until later on I realized that the same hurt was hidden down deep inside in the very foundation of me.

*Now, I don't say this to get sympathy or "throw a pity party for myself". *

This is simply what I realized and what God has revealed to me recently.

From the very beginning of my life, you could say that I wasn't exactly chosen.

In fact, by the time that I was four I learned what it meant to be rejected.

My grandparents were very anti-homeschooling, and thought my parents were "ruining our lives". (Which is ABSOLUTELY totally false. Being homeschooled was one of the biggest blessings in my life!). This resulted in a tense relationship, and making favorites of my other cousin. At the family get-togethers we went to, we had to endure snide comments and be obviously treated as less-than.

It was hard to be an "outsider" in my own family.

Thankfully, things have gotten better, praise God!

But this one circumstance in my life, and many more in the future, are what impounded in me that I wasn't chosen. I wasn't loved. And I definitely wasn't a bit cherished.

Since then, there have been many other similar(ish) instances.

When these instances happened, I tried to make myself believe that I didn't care. But I did. The pain and the hurt was there.

UNWANTED was printed on my heart in big, bold letters.

Scars were broken open and made deeper.

I started living life as if everyone would abandon me.

I started to withdraw.

To distance myself from those I loved.

To fall into depression.

To believe that I could never be forever loved.

Listen now, and listen closely.

This is NOT true. No matter what you or I have been through, no matter what we have done, no matter all the pain and affliction that has been in our lives-- God still loves us.

He knows.

He cares.

He has a plan for our lives.

He loves us.

He cherishes us.

He has called us by name.

WE ARE CHOSEN AND LOVED!!!!

Satan will try to use every lie that he possibly can to keep us in bondage.

To believe that we will never be good enough.

Never be pretty enough.

Never be smart enough.

That we will never be enough.

My dear sisters in Christ,

Don't listen to the lies!

Block out his little, whiny voice, and instead tune into what God says about you!

Personally, I have believed lies for too long. I have believed the lies that I would never be good enough, never loved, always rejected, never pretty enough, never smart enough, to be really used by God. Sure, I'd try to do what God wanted me to do, and in fact, since I was very small I've felt called to mission work of some sort...but I never really fully grasped that God loves me just as much as everyone else.

GOD LOVES YOU JUST AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE! :)

Now, God is gently showing me His great love. He is healing what was broken and replacing what was lost. Sure, there are days that go by when I sometimes don't necessarily feel loved all the time, But love isn't really a feeling... love is laying down your life for others.

God is wooing me back to Him. He is restoring those dreams I thought were dead, breathing new life again, and whispering to me that I am chosen. That nothing can ever separate His love from me.