The Wait

We've all been there. Daydreaming about our future. Wondering what our husband will look like; what he'll be like....and wondering when he'll show up. If ever. 

Sometimes we get so tired of waiting that we settle for boys that we know aren't the one God has for us. We mostly do this because we're lonely, and want to have a boyfriend because...well...everyone else has one. 

For myself, I can definitely relate to wondering who this wonderful person is, and if he exists. I'm 20 years old, for goodness sakes, and still single! Couldn't God have had us "run into each other" by now? Maybe I'm not spiritual enough yet. Maybe I'm not pretty enough. Maybe...I'm just not something enough. 

Usually I am very content in my singleness... but then more and more of the people I knew started dating and getting married, and I felt...left out. And a little lonely. Around that time a guy asked me out. I knew he wasn't a strong Christian, and we wouldn't end up having a future together...but I was tempted. I was tired of being alone. I ended up saying no to him and another guy later, but often second-guessed myself as my friends started pairing up. "You could have a boyfriend, too, Christina, if you had just said yes. You're being too picky." I would think to myself. However, looking back, I am glad I said no. I am still very single, but I have faith that there is someone out there somewhere. God knows exactly who he is, and will bring us together in His perfect timing. 

In those times of feeling a bit sorry for myself, I would start to think that I was the only one that has reached the "ripe old age" of 20 without ever having dated. Welp, later I would remember that "Oh, I actually know other people who haven't dated yet. I'm not in this alone after all!" Just knowing that would help me to not feel as "weird" about not ever having been in a relationship. 

Since I know how much better I felt about knowing this, I am here to tell you, my dear fellow single ladies, that you are not in this alone.

Let me encourage you to not settle for some boy you either don't like or who doesn't love Jesus, just to have a boyfriend.

What brought on this post? Well, recently I was (and still am) in a group project with several different people. All of whom have significant others. In fact, the first question that one of the girls proceeded to ask me and the other girl was: "Do you have a boyfriend?" Of course, everyone else was in a relationship except me. Needless to say, I was feeling very alone.

"What's wrong with me? Why am I so unlovable?" I complained to myself. 

Later that day I came home feeling rather sorry for myself. I complained to my Mom, and I complained to God about Him not having brought this wonderful man into my life yet. I even started to wonder If  this man existed. 

Don't get me wrong, some of us are called to single-hood. However, I believe that if you have a deep, God-given dream and desire to marry and have a family, that it is no accident. God wouldn't have put those dreams and desires ingrained in your very being if He didn't plan on acting upon them at some point. So take hope. God has someone out there perfect for you.

It can be hard in the "waiting season". I'm not going to pretend it's not. But there are also many ways that we can grow and develop that we may not have if we had been in a relationship. Singleness provides chances and opportunities for us to grow and draw closer to God. Also, singleness gives us more time to hang out with our friends and do last-minute things. :)

I am reminded of the story of Rebekah. She was minding her own business, livin' the single life. She went to go water her father's flock, what she'd done every single day for years. She didn't expect anything different. However, what set her apart from the others was her love for God and others. 

Rewind a few months to a year earlier:

Abraham asked his servant to find a wife for Isaac. A wife who loved God. Thus, the trusted servant adjourned on this quest to find the perfect wife for Isaac. 

Fastforward again to the present:

He reached the land where God-fearing people lived. Tired, he asked God to give him a sign if the girl came along.

"This is my request. I will ask one of them, 'Please give me a drink from your jug.' If she says, 'Yes, have a drink, and I will water your camels, too!'--let her be the one you have selected as Isaac's wife." Genesis 24:14

"Before he had finished praying, he saw a young woman named Rebekah coming out with her water jug on her shoulder...she was very beautiful and old enough to be married, but she was still a virgin."

Genesis 24:15-16

"Running over to her, the servant said, 'Please give me a little drink of water from your jug.' 'Yes, my lord,' she answered,'have a drink'...when she had given him a drink, she said, 'I'll draw water for your camels, too, until they have had enough to drink.' So she quickly emptied her jug into the watering trough and ran back to the well to draw water for all his camels." 

Genesis 24:17-20

The servant then asked her what family she was from, and found that she was, indeed, from the same family as Abraham. Overjoyed, he gave her jewelry and went home to meet her family. He had found Isaac's wife. God had brought them together in His divine timing. A divine appointment. 

What would have happened if Rebekah had been in another relationship when the servant came?

What if she was not following God and loving others and obeying his promptings?

She probably would have never married Isaac, and never have been the mother of Jacob and of the lineage of David...and eventually the Savior of the world, Jesus. 

Did Rebekah mess up? Yes. Big time. In her later years she helped make their dysfunctional family more so by favoring one son over the other. She tricked her husband, and because of this trickery, her favorite son had to run away to avoid being killed by his other brother. 

Yes, it was quite a mess. 

All's that to say that no one is perfect. 

God can still use us in the midst of our messes to bring about his plans and promises in our lives. 

Our God is a God of mercy, grace, and forgiveness. There is NEVER any sin that is too big for God to forgive. There is NEVER any person who is too far gone. Jesus still passionately loves you and pursues you. No matter what. 

Since Jesus is my first love, it is important to me that any boy I date be a Christian. And any guy I marry have Jesus as his first love, as well. Otherwise, we'll be torn apart...drifting away from each other like sailboats on the sea without an anchor. 

In my earlier second-doubting, I disregarded this fact. I wanted to date, and while I did care if my boyfriend had a relationship with Jesus, I was second-doubting my convictions. While I didn't compromise, I was very tempted to, and almost did. 

But let me tell you, I am very glad I didn't compromise. 

If we make Jesus our #1 pursuit, then the perfect guy for us should also be pursuing Jesus.

Our love for Christ should be the ultimate thing bringing us together.

Of course, we all want our guy to be cute. And having a list of different things we'd like to see (character qualities and such) in a guy is important. 

As I was waffling between "yes" and "no" with the guy who asked me out, I went back over a list I had made when I was 14. 

That really helped me not to settle for a guy who met less than half of the "requirements" on the list. 

Ladies, we may not understand why God hasn't brought someone into our life yet...but someday we will. In the meantime, let's try to wait patiently until God works out His perfect plan and timing. 

If you've already been in "negative" relationships, or are in one now, that's ok. It's never too late to start over.

To my single sisters in Christ:

Don't give up hope. 

You are not alone. 

God has someone out there for you and will bring everything together in His perfect timing.

A "divine appointment". :)

*Also, The Chase by Kyle and Kelsey Kupecky is a great book. The books talks about guys, waiting for the right guy, and many more awesome topics! *

Your fellow single sister in Christ, 

~Christina